Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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