I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
