Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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