Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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