I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
