Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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