Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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