I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
