my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
