I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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