i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
