he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
