Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
