The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
