don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I forget how to act sober
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
