At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
