There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
