miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
