In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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