I was born with a shot glass in my hand
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
