The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
