In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
