It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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