I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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