I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
