dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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