one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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