this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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