an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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