I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
