My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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