I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize