just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
