...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
