i already hear my dad disowning me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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