dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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