College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
