I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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