first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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