Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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