Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
