I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
