I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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