as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize