I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
