sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
foreskin is a definite game changer
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
