We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
