I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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