I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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