The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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