dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
