Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize