you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
