so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
