Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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