all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
