I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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