I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
