when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize