You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
