I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize