yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm at about main and main street
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
