I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im six kinds of drunk right now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
