I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
