You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
