I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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