You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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