meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
