how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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