im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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