I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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