You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize