You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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