I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
